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The Pain that is Chuck Norris

I really enjoy a good laugh. Who doesn't? It just so happens that the recent craze over Chuck Norris had had me rolling. In part, because I actually watched Walker Texas Ranger with my dad on Saturday nights in its heyday...for real. The best part is that it isn't coming at the expense of Chuck, he even has his own favorite "facts" about himself. I have compiled some of my favorite Chuck Norris "facts" from a slew of different sources and listed them below. If you want to check the source, just Google it and you'll find all of these. So, without further adieu...laugh away:


  • Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
  • Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  • Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  • Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
  • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  • Chuck Norris once got in a knife fight and the knife lost.
  • The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
  • Chuck Norris takes 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  • Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
and last but not least...
  • There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

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